please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
