This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
