my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
