I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
