I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Randomize