Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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