Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
