My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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