she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
