And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Panties = found
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
