dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
