dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
