If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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