i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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