Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
