Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
