He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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