man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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