How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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