First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
