remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
