never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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