my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
