do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
