I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
