we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
