i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
