He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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