you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
