me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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