Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just pee around me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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