Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
