4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
