Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
