My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
