i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
