I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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