I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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