That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
