Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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