TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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