If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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