She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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