Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
