So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
