This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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