I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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