We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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