I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
