This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize