Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
