I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
sarcasm needs its own font
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
