were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
