I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize