She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
