weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
