I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
