i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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