exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
