At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
