So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
