New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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