So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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