dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i dont even know how to be here
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
