And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I believe in your delicious
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
