It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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