I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
