the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
