Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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