The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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