Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
