my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
