Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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