Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
