You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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