babies were throwing up all over the place
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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