We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize