Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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