I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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