try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize