i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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