Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
