so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
