there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
