it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
