Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I'm really busy with my period
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