I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
