So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
