The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
