from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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