I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
