Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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