I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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