If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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