It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
