i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
