he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
No stitches, just platelets and will power
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
