it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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