Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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